All Caught Up, But . . .

I'm all caught up again now after this little flurry I have cranked out today, determined to not abandon my blog even though I can feel the lethargy of just that calling me, luring me, sucking me into giving up. I still don't feel satisfied with the "reporting" aspect of this task. I have told myself I don't need to report each new thing, told myself I can bring in memory or musings or anything I like. This time I even told myself I could just write one sentence for each entry, and as I write this I wonder if one sentence would have been a better choice, instead of succumbing once again to recording the event. Would those one-liners have had more life in them than the paragraphs I ended up writing?

I don't know if it is my critic hounding me, making me unhappy with what I am doing here, or if it is my own framework, my expectations and restrictions I come with to the blog. I don't want to abandon the project. But I don't want it to be like pulling teeth. I don't want to be dissatisfied with my entries. I don't want to be playing catch-up, just writing something to be able to call it done.

So, maybe I need to broaden my scope a bit, let the definition of my new things be a little looser, give myself more latitude, allow for things to arise. I want to feel life on this page. I want to feel vivid when my fingers hit the keys. I want to find a way back into my blog, one that winds its way through me, heart body soul, calls me, rocks me, cradles and delights me. I want my words to sing. I send up prayers, like paper airplanes, and give my thanks (in advance).